|
Four Catholic
ladies were having coffee.
The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a
priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him
"Father."
The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop.
Whenever he walks into a room, people call him, "Your
Grace."
The third Catholic mother says, "My son is a cardinal.
Whenever he walks into a room, people say, "Your
Eminence."
Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in
silence, the first three women give her this subtle,
"Well?"
So she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2", hard-bodied
dancer. When he walks into a room, people say, "Oh my
God!"
One morning, a
grandmother was surprised to find that her 7-year-old
grandson had made her coffee! Smiling, she choked down the
worst cup of her life. When she finished, she found three
little green Army men at the bottom. Puzzled, she asked,
"Honey, what are these Army men doing in my coffee?" Her
grandson answered, "Like it says on TV, Grandma. 'The best
part of waking up is soldiers in your cup.'
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning. The wife says, "You
should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't
have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband says,
"You are in charge of cooking around here and you should
do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for
my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and
besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the
coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and
showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says: "Hebrews" (He Brews).
A COFFEE PRAYER - Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not
doze. It maketh me to wake in green pastures: It leadeth
me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It
leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's
sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of addiction, I will fear no Equal™: For thou art with me;
thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me. Thou preparest a
carafe before me in the presence of The Starbucks®: Thou
anointest my day with pep; my mug runneth over. Surely
richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my
life: and I will dwell in the House of Juan Valdez
forever. Amen
Cousin Elly is the world's worst at getting instructions
mixed up. When she got married her husband bought her one
of those fancy, electric coffee makers. It had all the
latest gadgets on it. Salesman Riley carefully explained
how everything worked; how to plug it in, set the timer,
go back to bed, and upon rising, the coffee is ready." A
few weeks later Elly was back in the store and Riley asked
her how she liked the coffee maker. "Wonderful!" she
replied, "However, there's one thing I don't understand.
Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot
of coffee?"
A man walked up to a vending machine, put in a coin, and
pressed the button labeled, "Coffee, double cream, sugar."
No cup appeared. Then two nozzles went into action, one
sending forth coffee, the other, cream. After the proper
amounts had gone down the drain where the cup should have
been, the machine turned off. "Now that's real
automation," the man exclaimed. "This thing even drinks it
for you!"
Freddie was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do
things right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright.
He had just started his first job, as a delivery boy and
general go-fer at a furniture warehouse. His first task
was to go out for coffee. He walked into a nearby coffee
shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman finally
noticed him, he held up the thermos. "Is this big enough
to hold six cups of coffee?" he said. The counterman
looked at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then
finally said, "Yeah. It looks like about six cups to me."
"Good," Freddie said. "Give me two regular, two black, and
two decaf."
I met someone in the elevator who was drinking coffee and
complaining about how coffee made him nervous. I said "Why
don't you quit drinking coffee?" He said "Because if I
didn't have the shakes, I wouldn't get any exercise at
all."
This guy walks into a coffee shop and asks the waitress:
"How much is the coffee?" "Coffee is three dollars the
waitress says". "How much is a refill?" the man asks.
"Free, "says the waitress. "Then I'll take a refill!"
|
